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A few months ago, I was speaking with a job seeker who left a senior operations role. She was smart, experienced, and deeply values-driven. She had great relationships from previous roles and a strong track record of success.

And yet - she was stuck.

She told me she’d been applying to roles online, checking job boards daily, and doing all the “right” things. But when I asked if she’d reached out to past colleagues, mentors, or friends in the industry, she hesitated.

I’ve heard this same story from so many clients.

It’s not a confidence issue. It’s not about lack of knowledge. It’s something deeper - and more universal.

Here’s the truth: most professionals avoid networking during a job search not because they don’t know how, but because there’s a psychological barrier getting in the way.

Let’s talk about what that is - and how to work around it.

Why networking feels uncomfortable for most people

1. It feels like self-promotion

When networking is tied to a personal agenda - like getting a job - it can feel transactional. According to Harvard Business Review, that discomfort stems from feeling inauthentic, especially if you see yourself as values-driven or collaborative. Reaching out to “get” something can clash with how you want to operate.

2. We’re afraid of being a burden

This shows up in language like “I don’t want to bother them” or “They’re probably too busy.” Adam Grant’s research in Give and Take shows that people who identify as “givers” often avoid asking for help - because they don’t want to feel like they’re taking advantage of anyone.

3. We were taught to solve things alone

Many high performers were raised with the belief that independence is a strength and needing help is a weakness. Carol Dweck’s research on mindset shows that this belief is part of a fixed mindset. In reality, interdependence - not solo effort - is how most successful careers are built.

4. We instinctively avoid asking for help

Jordan Peterson writes about dominance hierarchies and how humans tend to avoid behaviors that might lower their perceived status. Asking for help can feel like signaling weakness, even if it’s the smart move.

That discomfort is real - but you can work around it.

The mindset that makes networking easier

The best networkers I work with aren’t pushy. They’re helpful.

They operate with one question:

That shows up in how they support coworkers, how they follow up after conversations, and how they contribute to the communities around them.

When it’s time to ask for help, people say yes - because the relationship is already built.

Why it matters during a job search

If you’re applying online and waiting for a response, the odds are not in your favor.

• 85% of jobs are filled through networking
• Referrals are 4x more likely to be hired
• Most high-level roles are never posted

Your network isn’t a backup plan. It’s the strategy.

If you’ve been avoiding networking, start small:

→ Reconnect without an ask​
Send a message to someone you’ve worked with before. Just check in and thank them for something you appreciated. No pitch.

→ Offer value first​
Share an article, introduce two people, or pass along a resource. Keep it simple. Just be useful.

→ Practice “How can I help?”​
Use it at work. With your team. In your community. Build it into how you show up daily.

Back to my client from earlier

She didn’t become a master networker overnight. But she started with one message - to a former VP she respected.

That VP replied, and they caught up over coffee. A few weeks later, she was referred to a role that hadn’t been posted publicly.

All because she shifted her mindset.

This wasn’t about “asking.” It was about staying connected.

Who do you need to contact today?

You've made it this far, why not go all the way? Commit to spending 10 minutes to write and send that email.

Until next week,

Beckie

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When you’re ready, here's how I can help you land a new role:

Your Complete Career Transformation

My signature one-on-one coaching program will help you get clear on what’s next for your career, plus upgrade your story, sales documents (resume, cover letter & LinkedIn profile) and strategy to confidently transition into a career that fuels your life, making Mondays the best day of the week. Apply Here.​